Expecting?

We are expecting a baby. Now before any of you get too excited… we don’t know where that baby is or what they look like or even how far along their birthmom is (or if they’re even conceived yet)… but we’re expecting.

This is a tricky place to be in. You see I don’t have an ever expanding belly, which is the number one sign of an expectant mother (and even if i did, i wouldn’t want people to comment on it… after all there’s no baby in there!). When i walk into baby stores, or cruise the baby aisle at target… I don’t get the “aw, when are you due?” looks… and a lot of people assume I’m just shopping for a gift… or for a baby I already have… or maybe I’m just one of those really eager “I’m only 2 months along, but I’m ready to shop” moms…

Either way, most people don’t see an expectant mother.

And this is (as I said before) tricky… and even painful. Painful? you might ask… yes, but it’s not pain brought on by others… it’s pain initiated by me. You see I tend to internalize the forgetfulness I observe in the environment around me and then put pressure on myself not to share. After all, my updates aren’t really progressive in nature… just waiting… still waiting… did I mention we’re waiting?

And this is why i love my husband. I was sharing all of this with him recently with a bit too much emotion (he’s very patient with his sometimes VERY emotional wife…) and he very gently but firmly said, “who cares what everyone thinks? We’re expecting.” Brilliant. I’m expecting… I’m preparing and the world around me just has to deal with it.

That’s nice. And as I moved forward with my new found freedom I realized that perhaps I’m the only one that wasn’t acting like I was expecting. Here are a few examples:

This past Sunday we had a baptism at church for one of our newest (adopted) babies and the child’s birthmom was present and standing up with the family. It was beautiful to watch her grace, her courage, her dignity… and her joy. I was a basket case watching this beautiful sacrament. And a good friend came over and hugged me during the baptism. Grace.

Again on that Sunday some of our pre-teen girls saw me crying and asked their Shepherd, Terra, why. I had the opportunity to come visit these girls during our Sunday School time and share with them our adoption journey, but also talk about adoption in general… particularly the love that both the birthmom and adoptive mom have for their child. Opportunity.

Another good friend frequently asks me about my baby and shares her excitement with me regularly. Joy.

And another good friend recently took special time to tell me she was expecting… and shared with me the joy she had that we would raise our children together. Love.

Still other friends frequently share parenting tips or coupons or “mom” stuff with me. Inclusion.

You see as insecure as I become about whether or not others recognize that I’m expecting… my community around me is moving forward with preparations. Even when i doubt my own desire to prepare… they don’t.

What a true blessing.

So I’m going to pretend that it’s obvious to everyone around me that we’re expecting our child, and I’m going to quit pretending that I should be quiet.

For those who may be nervous that this will involve regular facebook updates… rest assured, it wont! I’m just going to share my joy with you… whether you read my blog or not! 😉

Speaking of expecting… the other day i stumbled upon the best baby bedding that is gender neutral and just our style. If you’re interested, look here… (but no stealing!).

And we’ve decided that we’d like to be a one stroller family… and we’ve found the one we LOVE. Curious? I’ll blog about it soon.

So, what does your Saturday hold? Our’s has been great… we’ve visited the French Market, a Wildlife Rescue place and are leaving shortly to travel to Milwaukee for a Mumford & Sons concert with good friends… it will make for a late night, but we’re cool with that… we’ll get a few hours sleep and then look forward to worshipping and fellowshiping with Immanuel tomorrow morning for Reformation Sunday… go Luther!

Till next time…

Amy

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4 responses

  1. I love this, Amy! I cried most of the way through it (as I think I did with your last blog post). And it brought back so many memories, especially of our first adoption journey. You are a woman of courage and grace, and it was loving of you to let others into your journey. I can’t wait to see you and Brandon as parents!

  2. I love that you’re “expecting”! My heart is excited with you when I hear that word. May God continue to fill you with love and grace on this journey and give you many more opportunities to share it with others.

  3. This was good reminder, even for me, that talking about “it” is good for you. I know people want to spare your feelings and not “bring it up.” I don’t think it is so much that they don’t care. Crazy, like not mentioning “it” could stop you from thinking about “it.” You are the best and I love you.

  4. Pingback: More food… and an adoption update! « Life with the O'Briens

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